Which education would the nurse provide the parent of a 5-year-old child who has an imaginary friend

Child development at 3-4 years: what’s happening

Emotions
This is an important time in your child’s emotional development.

During this year your child really starts to understand that their body, mind and emotions are their own. Your child knows the difference between feeling happy, sad, afraid or angry.

Your child also shows fear of imaginary things, cares about how others act and shows affection for familiar people. And as your child gets more confident, they’ll also get better at handling their emotions.

Playing and learning
Play is important because it’s how your child learns and explores feelings.

Your child is now more interested in playing and making friends with other children. Your child might start to play more cooperatively in small groups. Sharing gets easier because your child understands the concept of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’.

Your child is becoming more imaginative during play. For example, your child might play pretend games with imaginary friends or toys, like having a tea party with toys. Your child might also try different roles – for example, they might pretend to be a doctor or a parent. And at this age, it’s common for preschoolers to have imaginary friends, although your child can probably tell the difference between real and fantasy.

By 4 years, your child might enjoy tricking others and describing what happened – for example, ‘Mum thought I was asleep!’ At the same time, your child also worries about being tricked by others.

Your child might be very curious about bodies – their own and other people’s. For example, you might find your child looking at their own and other children’s genitals. A combination of natural curiosity and role-playing is usually a typical part of childhood sexual behaviour. But if you’re concerned about a child’s sexual behaviour, it’s a good idea to talk with a GP, a paediatrician or another qualified health professional.

Talking
Your child’s language develops a lot this year.

Your child learns a lot of new words by listening to you and other adults and also by listening to stories. Your child also shows more interest in communicating and might like to tell stories and have conversations.

Your child understands most of what you say and might guess the words they don’t know. Generally, your child understands many more words than they can say.

Around 3 years, your child uses sentences of 3-5 words, or even more. Other people understand what your child is saying most of the time. Your child also points to parts of pictures – for example, the nose of a cow – and names common objects.

By 4 years, your child speaks in longer sentences of around 5-6 words or more. Other people understand your child all the time. Your child also understands most things you say and follows instructions with 2-3 steps, as long as they’re about familiar things – for example, ‘Close the book, and give it to Mum’. Your child understands adjectives like ‘long’ or ‘thin’ and uses ‘feeling’ words like ‘happy’ or ‘sad’.

Thinking
Your child is fascinated by the world around them and asks a lot of ‘who’, ‘what’ and ‘why’ questions. When it comes to understanding, your child knows about opposites like big/small and more/less and concepts like ‘on’, ‘in’ and ‘under’.

Your child’s memory is developing. For example, your child can remember nursery rhymes and might even repeat them back to you. Your child is also starting to point out and name letters and numbers that they remember, and they can count up to 4 objects and sort them by colour and shape.

Everyday skills
Your child loves eating family meals together. And your child understands your family routine and appreciates special events, like birthdays.

Your child is also becoming more independent. For example, your child can feed themselves, put on shoes that don’t have laces, undo buttons and do a bit more when they’re getting dressed.

Your child is probably toilet trained, and they might be able to do some daily hygiene tasks on their own, like going to the toilet, wiping poo from their bottom and washing their hands and face. But your child still needs your help and supervision with tasks like brushing teeth.

Moving
Your child loves moving and being active. Your child is better at walking up steps, riding a tricycle, throwing, catching and kicking a ball, running, climbing, jumping, hopping and balancing on one foot.

When it comes to using their hands, your child might be able to draw a circle or square, build big towers using blocks, and use child-safe scissors. Your child loves using crayons, pencils and paintbrushes, which is great because drawing and painting build your child’s imagination.

At this age, your child might also:

• unscrew a lid from a jar
• know their own gender and age
• know the names of some shapes and colours
• hold a pencil and copy some letters by 4 years
• dress and undress themselves.

Helping child development at 3-4 years

Here are some simple things you can do to help your child’s development at this age:

• Give your child plenty of playtime: play helps preschoolers express feelings like joy, excitement, anger or fear. Your child might like messy play in sand or mud, pretend play with puppets, or outdoor play with plenty of running, tumbling and rolling.
• Make time for creative and artistic play: this might be painting, drawing or dress-up games. Musical play is another idea – your child might like to dance, jump around or make music with simple instruments.
• Read with your preschooler: reading together, telling stories, singing songs and reciting nursery rhymes all encourage your child’s talking, thinking and imagination.
• Do some cooking with your child: this helps your preschooler to get interested in healthy food, learn new words and understand maths concepts like ‘half’, ‘1 teaspoon’ or ‘30 minutes’. You can give your child simple things to do, like tossing a salad or putting together sandwiches.
• Play games with your child that involve learning to share and taking turns. When you play, say things like, ‘Now it’s my turn to build the tower, then it’s your turn’, or ‘You share the red blocks with me, and I’ll share the green blocks with you’. Sharing is still hard for children at this age, so give your child plenty of praise when they share.

At 3-4 years, your child can go to preschool. At preschool your child can learn through play, make friends, and develop responsibility, independence and confidence. Preschool can support and encourage your child’s amazing development – and it can be a lot of fun too.

Parenting a preschooler at 3-4 years

As a parent, you’re always learning. It’s OK to feel confident about what you know. And it’s also OK to admit you don’t know and ask questions or get help.

When you’re focused on looking after a child, you might forget or run out of time to look after yourself. But looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally helps your child grow and thrive.

Sometimes you might feel frustrated, upset or overwhelmed. It’s OK to take some time out until you feel calmer. Put your child in a safe place, or ask someone else to look after your child for a while. Try going to another room to breathe deeply, or call a family member or friend to talk things through.

Never shake a young child. It can cause bleeding inside the brain and likely permanent brain damage.

It’s OK to ask for help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the demands of caring for your preschooler, call your local Parentline. You might also like to try our ideas for dealing with anger, anxiety and stress.

When to be concerned about child development at 3 years

See your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 3-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communication
Your child:

• doesn’t look you in the eye
• has trouble seeing or hearing things
• isn’t using 3-word sentences.

Behaviour and play
Your child:

• doesn’t understand simple instructions – for example, ‘Please give me the ball’
• is difficult to separate from their primary caregiver
• isn’t interested in other children
• doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to go shopping or ride on a bus.

Movement and motor skills
Your child:

• is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
• finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon
• isn’t drawing simple shapes.

When to be concerned about child development at 4 years

See your child and family health nurse or GP if you have any concerns or notice that your 4-year-old has any of the following issues.

Seeing, hearing and communicating
Your child has trouble seeing or hearing things.

Behaviour and play
Your child:

• can’t understand 2-part commands like ‘Put the doll down, and pick up the ball’
• has very challenging behaviour – for example, big tantrums over very small things or clinginess and crying when you leave
• doesn’t pretend during play – for example, doesn’t pretend to be mum or dad
• is clumsy – for example, trips over a lot when walking or running
• finds it hard to handle small objects – for example, a pencil or crayon
• has trouble drawing shapes – for example, a circle or square
• has difficulty dressing themselves or using the toilet.

You should see a child health professional if at any age your child experiences a noticeable and consistent loss of skills they had before.

Children grow and develop at different speeds. If you’re worried about whether your child’s development is ‘normal’, it might help to know that ‘normal’ varies a lot. But if you still feel that something isn’t quite right, see your child and family health nurse or GP.

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